Fashion & Gossip - Fashion News from China and Japan

YANKS DONT SPEAK ENGLISH FOOD, but BEAUTIFUL BOBBY BLACKMON AT BBKINGS GOT US TO EAT A 'PO BOY'

Tuna Nicole? whats that? A Tuna Nicoise but instead of olives it has like cheesy poofs, and instead of seared ahi its pre mixed tunamayo from a can? instead of fresh boiled new potatoes youve got french fries and 'lays'?

I am more baffled by America menus than Chinese ones.

Words all English diners should be weary of:

CILANTRO: corriander

CHIPS: not lovely chunky deep friend in goose fat chips but potato crisps or 'walkers' as we call em, and no salt and vinegar in sight

FRIES: chips only not so good, skinny, no animal fat no vinegar, and lots of salt

CHICKEN TENDERS: last time i checked a tender was a boat but hey, here this means chicken nuggets but they are huge, and served with an odd bright yellow sauce which calls itslef honey mustard yet tastes of neither.

this amazing feast was made up of ingredients my british dining companions and i could not fathom, and yet we were in a country 'speaking' our mother tongue.

A 'broiler' (still not sure what this is) of shrimp (supposed to be the small ones, these were huge langoustine sized prawns) a 'po boy' (?!?) some 'catfish', 'pulled pork'? a Biscuit? not a sugar digestive out here! OH NO! and the hot sauce is not a joke.

I have my MAC firmly set to UK spell check! I believe in schools all children in the USA should have to do the same! ITS TOO CONFUSING!? Al-u-min-ium!! how HARD is that! words have consonants too! Or maybe since theres so fewer of us pommes, we should all get one of these

a new MAC translator, only $200 and you can correctly write and spell. Since as you may have noticed my spelling even in my mother tongue is appauling I really should! why spend thousands on a decent education, just a couple a hundred on a computer which makes you SEEM well educated!

If going to a real yankee restaurant, bring a translator! We went to BB Kings to see our favourite florida star BEAUTIFUL BOBBY BLACKMON at BBKINGS meant we HAD to take the drive down IDRIVE (away from the safety of the magic kingdom!!) to see hom, we have ALL his albums and he ROCKS the blues.

here he is serenading my mum! (not MOM) be careful dad...se what happens when you let mother out with the LUSH SISTERS SCARROTT!! ahahahahah!

Universal old skool park. The original and the mighty.

This one takes some planning. Universal Studios is a large and amazing theme park, you have to juggle a number of things. SHOW times are very important, check your map for the times. You want to plan your attack to see EVERYTHING. Also you must understand the LONG LINE RIDES. There's a lot of headliners all over the park. LONG LINES ARE NOT FOR MISS LUSH.
Heres the plan of attack, read and take notes.

E.T is a classic and must be done, but do not be tempted to do it first just because it is there, terminator doesnt open til 10 so you have to come back that way anyways, go straight to the new SIMPSONS ride, it gets a big line quickly. Do this and do MEN IN BLACK first,
TIPS: on E.T NEVER give your real name, make up a dumb name, its hillarious to hear E>T say "goodbye miss divine lush one, goodbye bexstar, goodbye dopey" etc. In MEN IN BLACK dont shoot the obvious aliens, shoot the smaller ones, and shoot the green traffic lights, thats how you get a high score, and GET THE SUIT, you need an average of 200,000 per car so dont sit with anyone who looks dumb!

Now you are in time to see BLUES BROTHERS show at 11.30, they are amazing! SEE IT! Aretha Franklin was just awesome, and they arrive in the car...love it. THEY ARE ON A MISSION FROM GOD

We then like to stop for a cheeky midday cocktail at the Irish pub since it gets very hot and sweaty watching and dancing yourself silly with the brothers in the hot sunshine! So a quick refresher is needed, check out this pub, how funny is this irish menu? SCOTCH EGG cobb salad?!

THEN watch beetlejuice show at 12.30 (see how well it times out!) Then go BACK and do JAWS, (be aware...i think the driver might have engine failure...and drive to the old boat shed....duh da...duh da...duh da duh da...you know the rest)
THEN do the FASTPASS for the MUMMY, do TWISTER, grab lunch in the MONSTERS PLACE or in ITALY where they have pizza and STARBUCKS! then make yourself feel very sick as your fastpass return is up for the mumy ride whch is HELLA scary!!
then back to do T2 ride (sit in the front section) and E.T and your DONE! Phew! WELL DONE

heres E.T to say BYEEEEEEEEEEE! after this you need a good dinner, I reccomend PONDEROSA which is an amazing buffet. I shall tell more about that later....love and lushness to you all.

City diner turned City disaster

Magic ingredients. Red couches, shiny surfaces, tall stools, 24 hour sign, jukebox, condiments for days, a menu that's stupidly 'takes 20 minutes to read' massive and unapproved by the heart foundation, and smiley kitsch uniformed waitresses who remember your orders time after time.
City diner in Shanghai has so many ticks, and so many crosses. I just dont know what happened to this place, I used to love it. It had so much going for it, and still could do. But as with any popular place in an overpopulated city in time of recession, details make the difference between opening and closing.
1. ANY TIME OF DAY ORDER ANYTHING!
woohoo! In a city where restaurants notoriously close early and people notoriously work late and party hard, I have no idea why more places dont open 24 hours. Plus its a city of international travelers. The stupid 13 hour time differences between the USA and Shanghai often mean Im left with a craving for chicken ceasar salad and barbeque beans at 3 am. And really, who doesnt want cheesy nachos with chili after a 5am night of whisky wine and women.
2. LOCATION
On Tongren Lu, smack in the middle of the bars, and minutes walk from my house and major expat compounds, the diner used to be a bright shiny beacon of bacon burgers and breakfast beer any time of day.
3. ENTERTAINMENT
free wireless, pretty awesome rock music playlist, crayons for kids and all the expat magazines. This is what I used to while away insomniac nights to at City Diner...sadly now this is a thing of the past.
4. FOOD
It used to be pretty darn convincing.
5. EX MANAGER
Now pinched by Azul Viva (great tapas place on Hengshan) this chick is one of the best waitresses in town. City diner were fools to let her go.
6. The cakes. I dont know where they get the flour or the ovens strong enough, but baking is a disaster generally in China, except for here...are they importing this stuff?


The diner itself is hardly shining like the chrysler building, on a dark rainy day 2 lamps were switched on, the place looks depressing and cold and dark. The whole point of diners is the happy good feeling you get walking in.

The chilli was even blander than the decor, once punchy and zesty, an award winning chilli in Shanghai once I believe, it now flounders in the normal to poor section of my grading.

And bizzarly was served with bread and jam.
But the real tragedy is the staff.
The restaurant was empty yet I was pretty much completely ignored. No offer of my abligatory free refills on my ice tea, direct dissmissal of my requests for no sugar in it when it did come. A 1 hour conversation about how I didnt want corn bread, involving having to call an external manager to ask what corn bread was (its on the menu served with chilli, I asjed to not have it, this obviously was baffling) the staff all stood in a corner chatting about me (I understand enough Chinese to know gossip and insults) and the final insult, when asking for the bill the waiter swanned around on his mobile and held a finger up to me to say he was busy talking and couldnt serve me.

City diner you are another of this cities disasters. I wish I could just be bitchy and happy about it as I usually am, but I really liked you, its such a darn shame.

And then there were 6

I would say my new apartment is pretty spacious...for a couple to live in. As my regular readers will know I used to occupy a lovely 2 bedroom pad in Jingan temple central Shanghai....yeah, I also used to have a personal assistant and a fat wage, but sadly I woke up one day and economists and all kinds of boffins and headlines broke the horrible news to me that my champagne Charlotte lifestyle was over...anyways Ive learnt that being impoverished is actually a right laugh in Shanghai. And so welcome to my gorgeous new pad, made even more gorgeous by the fact its got my lovely one in it, though Im not entirely sure where we plan my shoe collection, cats and ballgowns to go.

This week, however, and worries I had about being able to fit ME in the new apartment have been utterly thwashed as we are currently housing 5 SWEDES. YES 6 people, 1 bed. That does sound rather Swedish doesnt it?

Welcome to the world of communal living. We are honoured in the house that 'Captain Slowhand' (our band, and if you havent heard of us WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING GET YOUR HEAD OUT THE SAND) to not only still have TOR (god of thunder), but have been joined by 2 new hot female vocalists, Emma and LouLou and boyfriend Eric (alarmingly tall) Added to the tenants Flawless Al and JoJo Lush makes a 6 piece band of fun.

When guests come to China to visit you always have a hankering to show them the 'authentic' parts of your world, not simply the pretty view from the bund and take tea and dumplings at yue gardens. I like to take guests to traditional restaurants and experiment with pointing to mad dishes on menus...however seems Swedes know what they like, and its not chickens feet, so no Chinese cuisine for these guys! But our current living arrangement gives quite an insight into Chinese life.

China is crowded. Shanghai is a city of 18.8 million people, and living, working, shopping and travelling right on top of one another is par for the course here. I was shocked and amazed when I first MOVED here at the magnitutde of endless endless houses. From the moment you get past the maglev station the housing is outerworldly sprawling like ants est, who on earth lives in all of this? It is mind boggling to imagine the millions of little lives buzzing away in the little boxes stacked on top of each other that typify China. And of course I hope I needed comment on the relevance to traditional Chinese culture that our 'communal' living ways represent.... (wow my blogs probably going to be banned now, I very nearly said the 'c' word)

This is the view from our window in the affordable housing sprawl of Chingning. Changning is linked to central parts of Shanghai by an excellent metro station Zhongshan PArk, and well littered with large store amenities due to the affordable land (best buy, Carrefor, B&q etc) all signs that you are kind of on the outskirts of town, you dont find lala coffe bars, and little boutiques selling necklaces for poodles round here. Now we may all currently be living side by side on 2 sofas and 1 bed (we're going to draw names out of a hat to find out who is where) but China is all about living right on top of each other, so I feel we are giving our friends an authentic experience.

For the full China overcrowding tour, I also suggest a nice relaxing 8.30am or 6pm trip past Peoples Square on the subway, a favourite with perverts and wrestling fans

And finish it off with a trip to QiPu Lu fake market, the sardine can of all shopping, best served steaming hot in mid summer, you cant appreciate from this picture how LOUD the Chinese are as well, turn up the volume heat and add WAY more bodies than EU health regulations allow, you've got your Shanghai experience.

The prep, for the rock of your life. JoJo Lushes guide to getting into the zone for a gig in Shanghai

There are many disadvantages to rocking in Shanghai, crappy equipment, horrible weather, restrained crowds, terrible pay... but also many advantages, drunken expat groupies, forgiving audiences and excellent prep facilities, such as open bars, open mic nights, and open 24 hour beauty parlors for glam rock girls like myself.aptain Slowhand, whom I dedicate every gig to.

(captain) a real rock and roller, lived fast died young, in a bathtub.....


Then I have an opportunity to do the whole "1, 2...1, 2..." hing whilst the boys do all the clever electrical bits. I dont sing much before a gig, one because my voice doesnt run marathons, its more of a sprinter, or since we have 2 singers, a relay race! Also because the songs seem to sound better if you havent done them to death.

This is how the boys do their clever stuff, it involves lots of electrical toys and swearing in Swedeish, which must be lots of fun for them.

This is also when I get to do my makeup, see above for inspiration.

THE BREAK

after this we have a break, since customers will come at 8 ish and we dont play till 10, this is when I like to go to the hair salon, I use the AMAZING one on xikang lu by Xinzha lu next to KFC. They dont speak english but its 100rmb for the top designer to do your hair and hes awesome.

THE BALANCE

WATER vs WHISKY
Lubrication vocally and mentally is a tricky one.
WATER= you will remember your lines, your voice will be better, you wont fall over, you wont be dehydrated.
WHISKY=you will rock out more

currently my voice hasnt been great so im staying off the source which has made gigs 1,000,000 times more nerve racking. I never got nerves, but now Im concentrating on my sobriety so much Ive convinced myself Im going to suck on stage....maybe I should just get back on the wagon!

But my top tip is malibu and pineapple, not strong, not dehydrating, and pineapple juice is great for the voice. Mix it with calpol and Halls menthols, you'll be wheeling!

Rock on folks.
waer

The coolest band rehearsal space in Shanghai

Scared yet?

You will be as you walk down the damp and forboding corridors of the studio bomb shelter in Ling ling LU (road). Studio 0093 is a play on words, "Ling Ling" is slang for 00, and its number 93 on that road. And it rocks. This is a studio for local young rock bands, and its geared towards kids just trying to rock hard. At only 25rmb per hour (normal 5 piece band less than 10 cents each) it makes it an easy option to use amps, leads, and drum kits and not piss you parents and neighbours.

Facilities...well they are basic and faulty, the mic's suck, the drum kit is dodgy, its either cold or hot, and the toilets are nearly humanly unusable. However on the bright side 25RMB AN HOUR TO ROCK YOUR TITS OFF, and some good amps, and other really awesome local bands will be rocking out all around you, since the place is like a damp labyrinth of studio room. Through the walls and cracks of which we have seen some lushoius suite stuidos...hmm wonder what bribes you have to give to book those. Our room is basic but we love it. Its the Slowhand room.

Dress code obviously is relaxed, which rocks, since when you are lead singer you hvae to consider your image for the venue managers. A little more than necessary I think. Now IM not in any way in a quandry about my looks. Im a small ginger troll. But Im also a super fox. I however how found in Shanghai venue owners picking on my height, weight, image...blah blah blah...I rock, end of story, and can I be a sexual goddess on stage? Oh please...

i suggest brigning you own hygenic wipes for the mic

and toilet paper beer and supplies of snacks, in a bomb shelter a "3 hour" rehearsal without sunlight to tell you the time easily turns into 7 or 8 hours....
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and of course Miss JoJo Lushes rider, cough medicine and lollypops...hmmm now thats rock and roll.

Shanghai bikini season, top tips guys and gals...

Of course the best way to ensure a bikini quality body is hard work excersize and a controlled diet with low sugar and fat and alcohol intake...but screw that frankly, Shanghai is awesomely full of cheats!!
1. cucumber. I was told by every Chinese friend I have out her that cucumber every day keeps the pounds off, thankfully I also ADORE 'huangua' with garic and vinegar...though mints after are a must!

technically it is excersize and the Chinese swear it will keep you lithe...and by looking at them I believe them! But it certainly doesnt break a sweat does it? Its is essentially directing imaginary traffic with flags or hands or if you are totally cool SWORDS. But honestly? I dont think its gonna allow 2 big macs without the bulge showing...still the Chinese keep in good shape, maybe Im just not doing it right.

And so many of my friends swear by this. I tried slimming tea...fine to taste, not so hard to drink but so so so hard to manage finding a toilet. Essentially this is simply a dieretic which makes you wee away your waist...but one cappuccino later the whole lot is back on right? not so apprently, my friends tell me research proves it increases metabolism and reduces carb intake over time. Yeah true but with the lack of fine smelling public resting places in my home town Id rather be a bit pudgy.
this one I could get used to, no effort but AMAZINGLY it works! I recommend the Apsara Spa on Shanxi Lu Jingan temple slimming massage followed by body wrap....slimming massage is cheap, slightly uncomfortle but the skinny jeans certainly fit a little looser after!

Or simply invest in the amazingly affordable plastic surgery out here? Either way stay gorgeous Shanghai x

hmm smells like barbeque, shanghai style!

Summers out in Shanghai and as Will Smith said, "you're invited to a barbeque startin at 4"
But arranging such things in Shanghai is not necessarily the laid back and chilled experience it should be. Home barbeques are not a standard in Shanghai and since absolutely no-one (I mean no one, you'd have to be a millionaire or in the government) has a garden, we are all expats struggling with flimsy cuts of unfamiliar meat, and dinky little barbeques perched on our pathetic balconies. However i feel the real spirit of barbeque is having mates over, smothering everything in sauce beer and whisky, and sitting around saying, "damn its nicer in Shanghai when its warm"

Go to Carrefore for all your barbeque needs. Infact if you are organised you can order through their website and have everything delivered to your door, including meeats and food and drinks.
2. FEAR factor
Barbeques work on low and slow burning flames of good quality charcoal. However first the charcoal flames up like a guns and roses gig where the pyrotechnics guy had a meglo-mania issue. If like me you are a girl, who is frightened by large flames on small balcony, and begin to fear the smoke and the hell inspired scene which has engulfed your normally peaceful veranda, here are my top tips.
1. Breathe
2. Tie hair back
3. Keep water can handy, this will increase the smoke but put out flames
4. breathe again and remember its only 15 minutes the big flames come then it reduces to a nice heat
5. buy a bbq with a lid, the lid keeps flames down.

FOOD

Keep it simple.

The trick to a good barbeque is people dont really care about the food, the host should be cool and relaxed and simple burgers, sausages and steaks is all you need, chicken and beef are not a good idea really, these things seriously mess up the tummies of your guests if undercooked and if overcooked are like trying to stuff a shoe sole in your mouth. Beef and lamb can be easily tenderized and pink or brown over an open fire, and i dont believe you can overcook a sausage.

Wrap some potatoes up in foil and whack some corn on the grill and your done for sides.

I put some prawns on there too, but thats just because Im showing off.

then the simple trick is inviting everyone over and slowly relaxing and soaking in beer and the bare-fleshed loveliness of a stinky overly polluted sweaty Shanghai summer on the verge of landing. April and May are by far my favourite months, and I plan to enjoy them in most Lush fashions!

Shanghai, City of 18 million people, and they give little me such a hard time about staying.

Its early in the morning. Ive been waiting at the police station for 30 minutes. This is not the ideal start to my day. I am doing the time honored pain in the rear of trying to stay in China for another year. Think its a few signatures on a form some passport photos and a cheque? No sir. This process makes you feel like an immigrant who arrived in a suitcase in the back of a tequila truck. Its a degrading, tedious and expensive process. And really, just to increase the GDP of the country? sometimes I really wonder why I bother.

First you now have to obtain a residents permit EVERY time you leave the country. This involves going with passport, lease of your property and a photo. You wait...and wait....and wait...then you get sent to pay for photocopies (you might think they'd have a scanner) return, wait...wait...get looked up and down a bit...get a form. EVERY TIME. Ive lived in the same place for 2 years and had to prove it to the police 20 times, why I ask you?

What I want is a new one of these babies, a working passport, Love that it calls me an 'alien'
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You also need a current visa, these can be brought from any non Chinese country for the small price of going to the consulate at an unreasonable hour...waiting...waiting...getting looked up and down...waiting....coming back in 3 hours...waiting...paying lots of cash and handing over your passport and more photos.
(The time spent in a pasport photo booth alone is over a days work)

Then all you need is... proof of education, a shed load of cash, a trip to NOWHERE pudong, photos, proof of company registration, blood sample (Im not kidding) you might get in to this country and be allowed to increase its world trade and tourism economy and generally make money for its gouvernment and people. Thanks dudes.

And if you thought I was joking about blood sample? Try going for your 'health examination' similar to a concentration camp of confusion, shoving, needles, prodding and dirty bum-less pyjamas again 40 minutes by taxi from ANYWHERE, at the end of which you feel a bit used, dazed and confused.
Its nice though to know that although a lot of my stuff came up as "abnormal" (no elaboration on that, just I'm abnormal) As you can see I have no health issues that are harmful to you good people. Well you can sleep safely now knowing after that ordeal all freelance artists in Shanghai are model citizens, or they are kicked out on their asses.

Well its the last day of the month, probably like me expats like me are wondering how to spend your last hundred kuai in a stormy shanghai

And fear not! Tuesday is simply the best day to be broke and bored in Shanghai, heres why:

1. FOOD: Its gourmet month in Shanghai so check out these following website for all that fancy dining you cant justify splurging out on! Indluge your western food cravings NOW as it will cost you double next month. YOU HAVE TO TRY LAWRYS I know 350 sounds a lot (less than 35 usd but we are stingy in this town) but it is amazing.

www.cityweekend.com

for all the latest meal deals, or amazing lunch deals at Pasti or Syndney for under 50rmb

My personal choice is new york pizza on beijing xi lu by xikang lu. A slice of pizze is 1rmb, crispy base, loaded with any toppings, and a lunch deal is 2 slices and a drink for 20rmb, 2 slices a drink and an appetizer for 25rmb, two bucks 50 for a full meal! NICE so think about it, you've got 100 rmb, take out 4 friends and treat them to a lunch! they will all owe you one in return,,,four lunches...hmmmmm

TAG UP SOME STUFF
Although highly illegal, graffiti is fun, and spray cans are only 12rmb at MAGGIE'S ART SHOP which is 850 Xikang lu in Jingan temple, spend 100rmb on 9 cans and make them mad colors, let your punk out, the fumes are very dangerous though and will make you feel like you are on another planet, so you can choose to wear a mask...or not.

GET DRUNK
theres no shortages of places to get drunk in Shanghai on Tuesday, heres some low downs

1. I LOVE SHANGHAI
ladies drink free
2. BEEDEES
free music acts, open mic, buy one get one free beer
3. Longitude,
GORGEOUS bar, live music, nice patio, free cocktails
4. BULLDOG
ladies drink free, food served cheap till 3am

you cant go wrong with any of these!

Tuesday isnt so bad see?
And if all else fails

as you can see this place is EVEN BETTER THAN MOVIE WORLD!!! (the famous dvd shop on Dagu Lu, untill this competitor showed up) go to beedees opposit, watch me and flawless al, and pat slap attack, lars from mars, and yoshi the kid rock some veins out, spend 30RMB on 2 beers, then hit DA PAPPA MARIOS amazing pizza and buy a 50rmb authentic huge pie, you got cash for 2 movies, should see you right through till pay day!
enjoy the last day of being broke fellow artisans!